Saturday, May 10, 2014

My Latest Email Spam Humor

SPAM and other bulls****


I'm looking at one of my spam folders and it's pretty funny.

This chick, "Adriana," stopped trying to get me to visit her website because we used to be... you know...  be "friends."  Now she wants me to mysteriously like her Facebook page.

(CB Tip: You do know that spammers can rig up fake websites to look like other sites, and while your browser is resolving the command codes for colors, animation, links, etc., well, other kinds of commands are running too.)

Oh... wait, she also now wants me to add her no Twitter.

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Burger King wants me to take a survey and get a $25 gift card.  Yea, $25 of heart stopping goodies.  Maybe I'll pass.  Why would they pick me out and send me an offer like this?

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Some oddball, noname org is wanting to hire me for $89k a year.  No, not $90k or $85K... but $89k a year.

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The "full money system" says a millionaire is giving away 500 businesses.

(I'm thinking, why?  Guess they don't work, so why would I want them.)

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Here's a great, as in, funny, stupid great title, "Not just a Pharmacy, But a Family!"  They want me to buy a Viagra / Cialis package deal.  As if one wasn't going to be enough, they're trying to get me to be one of those guys that has to call the ER because my erection is lasting more than four hours.

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Ah, she's back. Adriana, from Facebook thinks I'm cute. (Yep that's definitely spam)

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And a Mr. Eno (I choose to pronounce it Eeeknow) says that "It is Important that I need to Talk To you???  This is not a SPAM..."

Oh, thank god he put it's not spam.  I was worried.

But then again, he thinks it's important that he needs to talk to me.  Not, it's important to talk to me, but that he needs to.

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Ah... Justin says he's making $4k a day from his cell phone.  And here I thought IR scanning and ATM jacking was illegal.

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Andy says I can make $100k a day.  Wow, where have all these kind people been all my life?

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I'm so sad that I have to delete all of my well-meaning, faceless friends from my spam folder!

To be honest, I know you and I are smart enough to not fall for this crap.  But it's the newbie web surfer who isn't as web savvy as you or I that fall for this crap.

According to Internet World Stats, there were 2.5 billion folks on the web in mid 2012.

According to Royal Pingdom, who did some math (and doesn't know how to properly resize images for the web) from numbers they culled from Internet World Stats, they estimated that back in early 2012, the internet was seeing 7.9 new users per second.  Hey, even in my early days, my grandmother tried to wipe my hard drive, and I too was forwarding those stupid ass warnings about things that don't exist.

(CB Tip: THANK GOD for Snopes.com, ThruthorFiction.com, UrbanLegends.about.com and other sites like them that dispel the bs that floats around out there. ALWAYS go to one of these sites first to verify a well meaning web warning before passing it on and looking just as stupid as the rest of them.)

And these scams only need to trick a marginal number of 1% of the people coming online.

To be honest, if these a-hole spammers used more realistic numbers, I bet they'd get more hits from honest mistakes.  But that's just me.

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sources: .internetworldstats., royal.pingdom.


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Hi - sorry for the confirmation but I need to weed out the noise from the well intended comments. Thanks for leaving a note... - Bruce